blog · nonsense · Short story

Story Time

Once upon a time an HB pencil named harry and an eraser (that’s a rubber) named Coffee, went on an adventure. They we having little luck at home, their general day to day lives where, in a word… well… shit really. Harry had lost his job, his girlfriend Fenella the Orange crayon, had run off with the postman and his dog had been run over by a carton rolling across the ground, crippling him for life. Meanwhile, coffee, apart from being continuously mistaken for a condom (thus why he had begun to call himself an eraser) had managed to accidentally on purpose fall into a rough crowd and robbed the national bank of Indonesia using only a toothpick and a small curtain pole. This made him rather unhappy and a fugitive. Anyway, one day our heroes decided that enough was enough and they set out in search of the mythical well of luck, known to everyone else in the known universe as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Don’t ask why they called it the well of luck, my guess is that they have read too many stories about the well of this, and the pool of that, and decided it sounded better. They set off one dark and cloudy night, being careful not to wake the landlord, because they owned him 5 months rent and a Cadillac they lost in a poker match. Harry had heard that the well of luck was located at the intersection of light and magic, this he interpreted as being the pub across the river, because it was called the magic prison, and as everyone knows, a prison conducts light. Right? Anyway they made their way to the pub without incident, if u don’t count the 6 times coffee had to return for his cape, hat, magic eight ball, thermos, typewriter and apple, or the troll which refused to let them cross the bridge unless they each paid him £27 in purple feathers. When they arrived at the pub, they noticed that although they had mixed up the words prism and prison, they had in fact somehow, arrived at the correct location. There was the rainbow ending in a graceful, multi hued arc, into a pot of gold. They had not however thought to bring any weapons with them, this turned out to be a bit of a bother, as the pot was guarded by 12, small, but mighty and horribly horny (in the literal sense, as in they were covered in gungy, slimy, yellow and silver horns) leprechauns. The leader of the leprechauns, who was named Boris, realised a mighty howl, which to anyone not within the general area might hear as a cat being strangled, or someone playing the violin. Badly. They then proceeded to attack with as much force as they thought necessary, so not a lot really. Harry and Coffee, not having time to respond, found themselves standing in the great Paper Chase in the sky.

“Bugger”.

The End.

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